Knicker Knackers

PART I

My hometown is small. I ran into my kindergarten teacher at the salon this morning small... I went to lunch afterward and our waitress played volleyball with me AND was in Junior Miss the year after me small... in the parking lot afterwards we were right next to a woman we've known for at least fifteen years small... we just got more than one traffic light small. I am currently in my hometown.

It is kind of a culture shock, a little bubble of the South almost in the West. We have more churches than any other public establishment, closely followed in number by Mexican restaurants and tanning salons. The word 'liberal' is profanity, some people do not think gay men or women actually exist, and Glenn Beck is a God. Some people think England is a city in London and Joe Biden is black. Louis Vuitton, for those who know it, is pronounced 'Loo-iss Vitton'. Football is the king of activities, and Kmart the only store.

It's not all that bad though. I mean, lots of people love Glenn Beck, and Kmart carries Maybelline products just the same as Target. But really, it's great. It's wonderful that such a place, a genuine Mayberry in fact, can exist in an isolated mountain island just beyond Los Angeles. People here know each other, for better or worse, and when you walk down the street even those you don't know say 'hello'. People value each other. Most people are real, and if they're not, they were probably raised that way at least. It is a lot like the South, where hospitality is warm and friendly even if I do not agree with the reigning ideology. You know the same people from kindergarten to graduation, and the cashier at the grocery store met you when you were still in your mother's stomach as she made late-night store runs to quash those pickle & chocolate pregnancy cravings. The whole town is your family.

Not only is community a word here stronger than the stitches in the local quilt faire, but people are in touch with nature. I fall asleep here, not to the sound of traffic, neighbours' dogs, or drunken college students, but rather to the sound of the fountain under my window. The bubbling water is literally the only sound. It's not a loud fountain, either, but it pierces the natural silence with peaceful water sounds. If it stops, you can sometimes here the train on the other side of the valley, or maybe the stray car, but only if it's very, very, loud. Sometimes you can hear coyotes on the hill next to my house, or stray creatures nestling about the forest. Sometimes terrifying sounds as bobcats fight each other or fall out of trees or whatever it is they do. But it's just like falling asleep in the middle of the forest, from the safety of my second storey bedroom.

It's awfully nice place, really, and the most ideal of homes to call your own and come back to.

PART II

I have been told recently ( a few times no less) that I look like Roisin Murphy.

I think I'm quite all right with that. As if I could change it if I wanted to. But I don't. Bah, You see anyway?

PART III

I recently took a trip up the coast to relax and enjoy that glorious irresponsible activity enigma that is Spring Break. As demonstrated below, the trip included, amongst other things, french fries (originally written here 'french friends'... a Freudian slip I may not understand), gelato (split in two flavours, coconut macadamia nut and blackberry cabernet, yes I know, delish), beautiful scenery.... and an impromptu headlight repair. Yes, I do fix cars in a leather jacket and heels. If you are going to bother doing something, why not A. do it well, and B. look like you are going to a rock show? I ask you, jeesh.

I did not eat all those fries personally. Just sayin'.

It melted like a mother, but was it ever delicious.

No, that is not a postcard, or a painting. I did not fabricate or alter that image. It was just picturesque. Just so.

I totally knew what I was doing. Totally. Cars are my specialty. Along with petty couture commentary and obscure international music knowledge. Obviously.

"Why hello there, you leather-ridden vixen, you." (What my current self says to my past self to increase all selves' self esteem. Try it.)