To the casual onlooker it may appear that I spend my time, artfully and diligently, and after extensive periods of concentrated practice and field experience, doing absolutely nothing. I am not here to debunk those rumours-- what would happen to my reputation if my friends had nothing to ridicule me for while I quietly did things (lots of them, shh) behind their backs?
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| Jimmy Choo, $775 |
However, I will own to having an incredibly productive morning, for as the dishes lie in wait for my be-sponged hands, and toast goes un-toasted for lack of my desire to rise from the lounging glory of the couch, I have compiled the results of an even finer effort: I have put together a selection of possibilities for what I would wear to the fast-approaching Royal Wedding (you might have heard something about it), were I invited. All the below items are currently for sale online, and I have barred vintage (damn) from this buffet of garmentry. Most of this is available at Barney's, my clothing purveyor of choice, clearly (ha). Enjoy.
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| Anita Ko, $2,840 |
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| Alexander McQueen, $1,995 |
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| Louboutin, $725 |
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| Lanvin, $1,715 |
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| Barbara Tfank, $2,160 |
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| All hats above by couturecreations.net. |
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| Brenda Lynn, $225 |
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| Erdem, $915 |
It may come as a shock that I was, in fact, not (yes, not) invited to the wedding, however, and have positively nowhere to wear these lovely things. It is for that reason, and that reason alone, that I decline to purchase any of them. None of it, none of it. I really cannot be bothered.
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